When I say I’m not feeling well, I mean it. There is so much more to reality than a plastered smile, or energy that has to be forced out. Because when the bouts of laughter die down, and all has been said and done, and you lie on your bed at the end of a day, then, your true state of emotion shows. I am tired as hell right now. I am confused. I am waiting. For a purple light, to bring me some real joy, to reassure me that there is something greater than the individual and the family, yet smaller than the larger society, to hold on to. But where is it? Where are you? I’m not going to leave. I cannot, will not. Unless you tell me to. But if you do..
Every new day brings with it a new wave of disappointment. I’m trying too, believe me please ): But I’m also human.. and humans have limits.
Please excuse me for feeling like this. But it’s 12am, and didn’t think I would go to sleep tonight with unrest and sorrow and frustration. I need to vent it out somewhere, so here we go: put very simply, there is a difference between a realist and a pessimist.
I am a terrible idiot sometimes. Terribly stupid. Also, it’s something to realise how difficult genuine, unconditional love can be. Which I’m still incapable of
One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.
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Down the same street On the same bus But with a heaviness in my heart Or was it already there yesterday?